Dear Hurricane Irene -
While it would be totally fantastic and super awesome if you could please not send the tree directly outside the apartment crashing through our windows, it would be equally fantastic and unequivocally awesome if you could please not destroy the house we're currently trying to purchase.
XOXO,
Melanie
PS - I'm also pretty fond of my car. I mean, after three years together, Lucille and I have bonded. We're pretty tight. Also, she's only halfway paid off. It'd be nice if you could not send her floating down Burmont Road and into the creek.
As an aside, this has left me wondering - when purchasing an estate property, which is currently sitting empty, how concerned should I be about the house sitting empty? Will the executrix of the estate go to the trouble of bringing the patio furniture inside? Would it be inappropriate for me to go over to the house and do it? What if the drain out back clogs and the basement floods? What if the roof leaks? Oh, noes!!! And the place isn't even ours yet. It may never be, if the seller chooses to back out thanks to the extremely extended timeline handed to us by our lender today. It may be fruitless to be so deeply concerned but, being a first-time home buyer, I will - come hell or high waters (haha, see what I did there?!?) - find something to freak out about.
Note #1 - So far this week, we've had thunder, lightning, an earthquake, and now a hurricane. I'm waiting for fire and locusts.
Note #2 - If the house manages to survive all of this, I'm going to declare it impenetrable. We will be totally set for the zombie apocalypse. And, to quote my boyfriend, "Zombie Apocalypse - ALWAYS A CONCERN."
Friday, August 26, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Top 10 Ways Not to Get Hired
#1) Don't show up.
#2)
#3)
#4)
#5)
#6)
#7)
#8)
#9)
#10) ....Does it really matter after you've decided not to show up?
I met with the first of three contractors we were planning to obtain estimates from first thing this morning. He was extremely knowledgeable, friendly, and helpful. He showed us beautiful pictures of some of his previous work. He assured me that I ought to give him my "pipe-dream" list, because if I didn't, I'd be calling him later to redo the estimate once I saw how far under budget he was going to be. He comes very highly recommended by my inspector. He gets most of his projects, roughly two or three per month, as FHA 203K rehabs. He was on an episode of HGTV's "Save My Bath" in 2006. He didn't even take offense to my occasional sarcasm or mock my occasional drooling stupidity, which I am known to indulge in every now and again, especially that early in the morning.
I like him very much - to the point that, barring some ridiculously overblown estimate, I think I've already made up my mind as to who I want to hire to do my renovations. And I would feel bad about that, feel guilty for wasting the other gentlemen's time...
...If not for the fact that I spent an hour standing around outside in the late summer sun waiting for a contractor who not only couldn't be bothered to show up, but couldn't be bothered to tell me he wasn't coming. Brilliant! Of course, it is possible he called my office number after I already left work to meet him, but what good is that going to do if I'm standing out on the front stoop for an hour, being stared at by all the neighbors? Not much.
On the upside, I did have the chance to meet several of my neighbors while waiting, including the block captain of our neighborhood's civic association and her co-captain. Neighbors are endlessly useful sources of information, providing such tips as:
1) Trash pickup is included in our property taxes. They pick up in the alley behind the house, not in the street out front, so get your car out of the way on Monday mornings if you want to get out of your garage.
2) The city doesn't bother plowing either the alley which leads to the garages or the streets in the event of a snowstorm, unless it's declared an emergency. If you have a snow-blower, everyone on the block will like you.
3) A total of four (yes, FOUR) city police officers, as well as firefighter, live either on our block or on one of the two cross streets. We couldn't have picked a safer block unless we bought a house next to the police precinct.
4) Several of the ladies in the area do their flower-shopping together every spring, which is part of why the tiny little lawns are all so lovely and compliment each other so nicely. And once a few people start planting, the whole neighborhood gets into it.
5) There's a block party on September 3rd and a civic association meeting on September 7th. Although we haven't even closed on the house yet, we - as in my boyfriend and I - have been invited to attend. So much for my father's fears that we wouldn't be welcome, given that we stick out like sore thumbs!
Lesson of the day? Since today seems to be a day for lists, lets go with another one of those!
1) You're not going to get hired if you can't even show up.
2) Sometimes, what seems like a massive waste of time can turn out better than you expected.
3) Always - always! - make nice with the neighbors.
PS - While showing the contractor around the property, we also discovered a glow-in-the-dark rosary hanging up in one of the closets. It's a perfect match to the glow-in-the-dark Virgin Mary in the kitchen. Apparently, it's becoming something of a theme in the decor.
#2)
#3)
#4)
#5)
#6)
#7)
#8)
#9)
#10) ....Does it really matter after you've decided not to show up?
I met with the first of three contractors we were planning to obtain estimates from first thing this morning. He was extremely knowledgeable, friendly, and helpful. He showed us beautiful pictures of some of his previous work. He assured me that I ought to give him my "pipe-dream" list, because if I didn't, I'd be calling him later to redo the estimate once I saw how far under budget he was going to be. He comes very highly recommended by my inspector. He gets most of his projects, roughly two or three per month, as FHA 203K rehabs. He was on an episode of HGTV's "Save My Bath" in 2006. He didn't even take offense to my occasional sarcasm or mock my occasional drooling stupidity, which I am known to indulge in every now and again, especially that early in the morning.
I like him very much - to the point that, barring some ridiculously overblown estimate, I think I've already made up my mind as to who I want to hire to do my renovations. And I would feel bad about that, feel guilty for wasting the other gentlemen's time...
...If not for the fact that I spent an hour standing around outside in the late summer sun waiting for a contractor who not only couldn't be bothered to show up, but couldn't be bothered to tell me he wasn't coming. Brilliant! Of course, it is possible he called my office number after I already left work to meet him, but what good is that going to do if I'm standing out on the front stoop for an hour, being stared at by all the neighbors? Not much.
On the upside, I did have the chance to meet several of my neighbors while waiting, including the block captain of our neighborhood's civic association and her co-captain. Neighbors are endlessly useful sources of information, providing such tips as:
1) Trash pickup is included in our property taxes. They pick up in the alley behind the house, not in the street out front, so get your car out of the way on Monday mornings if you want to get out of your garage.
2) The city doesn't bother plowing either the alley which leads to the garages or the streets in the event of a snowstorm, unless it's declared an emergency. If you have a snow-blower, everyone on the block will like you.
3) A total of four (yes, FOUR) city police officers, as well as firefighter, live either on our block or on one of the two cross streets. We couldn't have picked a safer block unless we bought a house next to the police precinct.
4) Several of the ladies in the area do their flower-shopping together every spring, which is part of why the tiny little lawns are all so lovely and compliment each other so nicely. And once a few people start planting, the whole neighborhood gets into it.
5) There's a block party on September 3rd and a civic association meeting on September 7th. Although we haven't even closed on the house yet, we - as in my boyfriend and I - have been invited to attend. So much for my father's fears that we wouldn't be welcome, given that we stick out like sore thumbs!
Lesson of the day? Since today seems to be a day for lists, lets go with another one of those!
1) You're not going to get hired if you can't even show up.
2) Sometimes, what seems like a massive waste of time can turn out better than you expected.
3) Always - always! - make nice with the neighbors.
PS - While showing the contractor around the property, we also discovered a glow-in-the-dark rosary hanging up in one of the closets. It's a perfect match to the glow-in-the-dark Virgin Mary in the kitchen. Apparently, it's becoming something of a theme in the decor.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Money Makes the World Go 'Round
Or so sang the ineffable Joel Grey and Liza Minnelli in "Cabaret". With that said...
It's entirely possible that I may have already lost a portion of my sanity to this quest for home. Why do I say this? Because I'm currently watching "The Wolfman" on HBO and can't help but draw a few mental comparisons between Benicio del Toro's character and this property. It seems entirely average from the exterior - harmless, perhaps even charming - until it explodes into a furry, slavering monster hellbent on savaging the locals in its lust for blood. Or, in this case, my wallet.
In short, the inspection was not everything that I hoped for.
Of course, I was expecting that. What I was not expecting was to receive a forty-one (41!!) page long report on the condition of the property, complete with three full pages of bright red "defects". I can only imagine this must be what parents feel like, when they receive negative comments on their child's report card - a bit dazed, a bit crushed, and completely in denial. (What do you mean, there's a sewage line leak?! We never felt the need to correct Johnny's little potty-training problems. Besides, you get over the smell!) Included among them are a complete replacement of the plumbing stack, in case I hadn't just made that obvious. For those of you who don't know, the plumbing stack is responsible for removal of waste from the property. Turn the shower on for two minutes? The garage floods with bathwater. Sexy! Also included among the necessary repairs is a complete replacement of the furnace, which won't turn on at all, and of the roof, which was supposedly redone in 2009 - which is exactly why, regardless of what the seller's disclosure says, you always get a home inspection. Even if you want to cry a little bit inside while handing over a check for $300-$600 dollars, depending on the tests you elect to have done, all while thinking about how you could be replacing your creaking and lumpy couch or buying a shiny new Xbox with that money.
The worst part? That's not even half the list. It goes on, and on, and on. What's important to note, though, is that some of the problems which are included in the list of material defects are relatively minor things. It may seem overwhelming to see "reverse polarized outlets!" and "loose wiring!" written all over the inspection in blinding red, like a book report turned in to a particularly picky teacher, until all the details are absorbed. For example, the fact that repairing a leaking supply line to a washing machine costs about $50. A good home inspector, like the one that I used, will include these rough estimates of repair on the report for you. Sometimes, that number can be reassuring. Others, like when you need a brand new roof, it can make you want to cry.
So, armed with my list of necessary repairs - which has been added to my list of desired upgrades - there's nothing else to possibly do besides meet with the contractors and get bids for the work. That will begin bright and early tomorrow morning, thanks largely to the fact that the contractor which came recommended to me has agreed to meet me at 7:30 AM, despite living much farther away from the property than I do. I take that as a good sign not only because misery loves company when getting up at the ass-crack of dawn, but also because it indicates he's willing to work around my schedule and my requirements. A second contractor will be coming late in the evening and a third on Thursday night. Once I have the multiple bids in hand, I can make a price comparison in addition to judging my comfort level with each of the renovation companies.
All I can do is pray, perhaps with the help of my new glow-in-the-dark Virgin Mary, that their estimates come in within the construction restrictions and budgetary limits of the FHA 203K Streamline program. Otherwise, the bank that had agreed to provide my financing won't be able to qualify me under any of their loan options and I'll be forced to either try to find an alternate bank or back out of the deal.
After all, as the title says...
It's entirely possible that I may have already lost a portion of my sanity to this quest for home. Why do I say this? Because I'm currently watching "The Wolfman" on HBO and can't help but draw a few mental comparisons between Benicio del Toro's character and this property. It seems entirely average from the exterior - harmless, perhaps even charming - until it explodes into a furry, slavering monster hellbent on savaging the locals in its lust for blood. Or, in this case, my wallet.
In short, the inspection was not everything that I hoped for.
Of course, I was expecting that. What I was not expecting was to receive a forty-one (41!!) page long report on the condition of the property, complete with three full pages of bright red "defects". I can only imagine this must be what parents feel like, when they receive negative comments on their child's report card - a bit dazed, a bit crushed, and completely in denial. (What do you mean, there's a sewage line leak?! We never felt the need to correct Johnny's little potty-training problems. Besides, you get over the smell!) Included among them are a complete replacement of the plumbing stack, in case I hadn't just made that obvious. For those of you who don't know, the plumbing stack is responsible for removal of waste from the property. Turn the shower on for two minutes? The garage floods with bathwater. Sexy! Also included among the necessary repairs is a complete replacement of the furnace, which won't turn on at all, and of the roof, which was supposedly redone in 2009 - which is exactly why, regardless of what the seller's disclosure says, you always get a home inspection. Even if you want to cry a little bit inside while handing over a check for $300-$600 dollars, depending on the tests you elect to have done, all while thinking about how you could be replacing your creaking and lumpy couch or buying a shiny new Xbox with that money.
The worst part? That's not even half the list. It goes on, and on, and on. What's important to note, though, is that some of the problems which are included in the list of material defects are relatively minor things. It may seem overwhelming to see "reverse polarized outlets!" and "loose wiring!" written all over the inspection in blinding red, like a book report turned in to a particularly picky teacher, until all the details are absorbed. For example, the fact that repairing a leaking supply line to a washing machine costs about $50. A good home inspector, like the one that I used, will include these rough estimates of repair on the report for you. Sometimes, that number can be reassuring. Others, like when you need a brand new roof, it can make you want to cry.
So, armed with my list of necessary repairs - which has been added to my list of desired upgrades - there's nothing else to possibly do besides meet with the contractors and get bids for the work. That will begin bright and early tomorrow morning, thanks largely to the fact that the contractor which came recommended to me has agreed to meet me at 7:30 AM, despite living much farther away from the property than I do. I take that as a good sign not only because misery loves company when getting up at the ass-crack of dawn, but also because it indicates he's willing to work around my schedule and my requirements. A second contractor will be coming late in the evening and a third on Thursday night. Once I have the multiple bids in hand, I can make a price comparison in addition to judging my comfort level with each of the renovation companies.
All I can do is pray, perhaps with the help of my new glow-in-the-dark Virgin Mary, that their estimates come in within the construction restrictions and budgetary limits of the FHA 203K Streamline program. Otherwise, the bank that had agreed to provide my financing won't be able to qualify me under any of their loan options and I'll be forced to either try to find an alternate bank or back out of the deal.
After all, as the title says...
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Groundbreaking...
...And I mean that figuratively, not literally.
I thought it best to make my inaugural post to this blog tonight, as the home inspection on my very first house is at 10AM tomorrow. Well, 10AM today, technically, but as I said - I thought it best to make my inaugural post before the inspection! And I haven't slept yet, so it still counts.
What am I hoping for at the inspection? The same thing that every home-buyer, especially first-timers, hope for - a glowing report describing my potential residence as a worry-free domestic dream. But the plain reality of the situation is that it simply isn't going to happen. I'm not going to get what I want. Every home has problems. This is true regardless of whether you're buying a hot new-construction condo, a Victorian mansion, or - in my case - a little brick townhouse built right on the edge of Philadelphia during the post-war boom.
Cute, right? I certainly think so.
Don't let appearances deceive you, though. This house was built in the 1950s, decorated during the 1970s, and hasn't been updated since. Guests walk through the front door to be greeted to not only wood paneling as far as the eye can see, but wood paneling paired with Pepto-pink-turned-faded-salmon-pinkish-brown carpet that, frankly, smells a little funny. This breath-taking decor continues on into the dining room, from which the kitchen - and its glorious grey and orange tile - can be viewed. Separating the two rooms is a greasy-spoon diner style counter, to which has been added a number of white shelves boasting their very own - I kid you not! - glow in the dark statuette of the Virgin Mary.
What can I say? I have spectacular taste. And seriously, I love that tacky Mary more than words can possibly convey. We may just have to keep it.
Continuing upstairs, we have yet more wood panels in each of the three bedrooms. Not only does it cover the walls, but it seems that some enterprising couple at least two owners prior decided they were so fond of the brown-on-brown scheme that they actually attached it to the back of what otherwise seemed to be beautiful, solid-wood doors with those wonderful, old-fashioned glass handles. I can't say I blame them. Once you close the door to any of the three rooms, it really completes that "trapped inside a corrugated cardboard box" feeling. Farrah Fawcett would feel right at home.
Finishing off the upstairs is a surprisingly immaculate bathroom. The tub is positively pristine. It's also a particularly eye-searing shade of turquoise which, when combined with the Pepto-pink (that color! again!) tile and complimentary turquoise and pink wallpaper, makes it look sort of like the newborn department of a Babies 'R Us exploded in one very small room. There's even a blue sink and blue toilet to match!
(Hint: The number of exclamation points in the above paragraph indicate that I am REALLY EXCITED about the retina-imploding horror that is this bathroom.)
Continuing down into the (sort of?) finished basement, there's - you guessed it - more wood paneling, as well as asbestos tile coating the floors. Though it's an unfortunate combination of yellow, orange, and tan, it fortunately isn't friable and therefore shouldn't be a health hazard. The look is completed by a washer and dryer that's probably as old as I am and an exterior door with a particularly special paisley-and-bright-yellow-flowers motif to the curtain covering it.
Still, there's something about this house that says home to me, even with all of the cosmetic nightmares that it presents. It feels solid. It feels right. It feels like buried deep under that "My Mother's High School Wardrobe Crawled in Here and Died" decor, there's good bones, a solid foundation, and a place I can call my own.
Let's hope the inspector agrees.
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